Tonight, all eyes will be on London.
The 2012 Olympic Games officially begin this evening with the lighting of the Olympic Cauldron, the culmination of an extravagant opening ceremony directed by Danny Boyle. Over the next few weeks, the world’s greatest athletes will compete to be the fastest, the hardest, the craftiest, the best. But for us, well, the competition has already begun.
The last month or so has seen the emergence of several Olympic-themed songs recorded by well-known pop stars – and a fair few chancers – from the so-called Isles of Wonder. These songs range from the apparently sincere to the desperately cynical, the earnest to the satirical, the officially commissioned to the opportunistically cobbled-together; the only thing they have in common is how dreadful they all are.
Actually, that’s not entirely fair. There are some creditable entries in the offing but by god, are they in short supply. Over the next three pages we award medals to our three favourite 2012 Olympic “anthems”, acknowledge the existence of five that failed to place, shame one that failed to finish, and disqualify one on the basis of a well-earned doping charge.