Krystal Klear ft. Yasmin – ‘One Night Only’

Joe Muggs:  KK is a phenomenal DJ and wildly talented producer, but his dubby-housey tracks he’s been doing on Cold Tonic have been head and shoulders above his ’80s retro tracks. Not that this is bad in any way, much like the stuff Ronika does, it totally does what it’s supposed to do and the songwriting is strong – but it just feels like his undeniable musical personality is subsumed to the need to be faithful to the style it’s done in. Be well happy to hear this on mainstream radio, though. (7)

Scott Wilson: Krystal Klear’s production aims for glittering pastiche, but unfortunately lands on karaoke backing track, with Yasmin’s pristinely shrink wrapped vocal only adding to the plastic, soulless vibe. There’s a wealth of cheesy ’80s pop music out there, and it was done a lot better at the time. (3)

Chris Kelly: No one does ’80s nostalgia with more convincing results than Krystal Klear — this could have been presented as a lost Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis production and I wouldn’t have batted an eye. (8)

Angus Finlayson: As boogie era facsimiles go this one’s pretty much spot on, nailing that sense of high budget yearning about a thousand times better than last year’s ‘Addiction’. (8)

6.5

John Carpenter – ‘Vortex’

Joe Muggs:  Well, if anyone’s going to do John Carpenter pastiche I can’t think of a better person. This is actually brilliant. (8)

Scott Wilson: Given that it’s essentially a hypnagogic mash-up of Carpenter’s best themes, ‘Vortex’ is far better than it has any right to be. I never thought I’d ever expect to say this, but John Carpenter’s debut solo album is my most anticipated LP of 2015. (9)

Chris Kelly: After seeing his style ripped off so thoroughly by every bedroom producer with a synthesizer and soundtrack-aspirations, it’s great to see the master get back in the game. (7)

Angus Finlayson: This has a quality common to many late-career victory laps. There’s probably a German compound word for it; one which roughly translates as “more than adequate when held up against its own criteria yet somehow completely uninteresting”. (5)

7.3

Damon Eliza Palermo – ‘Inner Realm’

Angus Finlayson: This has gone straight into my playlist titled “KOSMISCHE STEAM ROOM – DEEP SWEAT”. (7)

Scott Wilson: Sounds like Klaus Schulze taking codeine-fuelled night drive through the Mojave Desert. Hypnotic, soothing, and heart-wrenchingly lonely. (7)

Joe Muggs: Ambient revival!!!! Very nice, very close to some of the stuff on Throne Of Blood’s Moon Rock compilations, a total natural upshot of the Kosmische tendencies in the analogue techno world, little bit lacking in anything to make it distinctive but simple, effective – where’s my beanbag? (6)

6.7

Foreign Beggars & Alix Perez – ‘Deng’ feat. Riko Dan

Angus Finlayson: I remember seeing Foreign Beggars pop up on flyers back in my London-student-dubstep days. Always a sign to avoid, avoid, avoid. Thankfully they’re pretty tolerable here – Riko is an effective bulwark against their more shrill Friday-night-at-the-SU tendencies, and the Perez beat is satisfyingly lean. (6)

Scott Wilson: Foreign Beggars and Alix Perez doing what they do best – going where better artists have boldly gone before. I was pleasantly surprised not to have to hear an earsplitting dubstep drop at any point during this, but still, Riko Dan’s too good for this. (4)

Joe Muggs:  Alix Perez has made some incredible records recently, Foreign Beggars can be amazing, obviously Riko Dan is Riko Dan but somehow this is less than the sum of its parts. It’s fully functional, nothing bad about any element as such, but it never catches fire. (5)

5

Wu-Tang Clan – ‘Ruckus in B Minor’

Scott Wilson: I didn’t think it could any more dumb than the fairly unironic World War Z shout out at the beginning, but the references to Breaking Bad, Sons of Anarchy and The Big Bang Theory proved me wrong. At least we know what Wu Tang have been doing for the past several years – watching Netflix. (3)

Joe Muggs:  So, so, so much better than it has any right to be. I was literally wincing as I pressed play for the first time – I thought it was going to be, as a friend once described a Happy Monday’s reunion gig, “like watching a dying man wank” – but no… It sounds like a Wu Tang Clan record! Alright, the chorus leaves something to be desired, but basically it’s terrific. (8)

Chal Ravens: Zero concessions to 2014 here: defiantly sample-heavy and bombastic, drums flying in all directions, SCRATCHING for god’s sake – but there are also plenty of twists and turns in the production and a full roll call of Wu. It’s nowhere as shit as we’d feared. (7)

Chris Kelly: An inessential single from what is sure to be an inessential album. Even if some of the Clan have kept their creative fires burning post-35 (Ghostface’s albums, RZA’s film work), rap is still a young man’s game — despite the limp rallying call that is Method Man’s old-man-yells-at-cloud “hook.” (2)

5

T-Pain – ‘Stoicville’

Scott Wilson: The whole triumph over adversity narrative might not be anything new, but T-Pain makes it all seem fresh. The sparing, plaintive instrumental feels like a breath of fresh air too. (8)

Angus Finlayson: It’s not original to observe that T-Pain’s recent ‘authentic’ re-brand is unnecessary; likewise to say that he’s executed it with impressive grace. A heartfelt back-to-the-real monologue  over an ever so tasteful beat, on paper ‘Stoicville’ sounds mawkish, narcissistic – the very definition of a career miscalc. Somehow, it’s not. What’s that T? Your daddy still hangs out at your shows? I seem to have… something in my eye. (7)

Joe Muggs:  Actually did an actual ALOL out loud at “good lord this is fucking depressing” – but in a good way. Like, it’s a genuinely great line, brilliantly delivered. This has every element necessary to be a self-pitying boohoo mirrorwank of Eminem proportions, but incredibly it manages to be really quite charming. That’s quite some achievement. I’ll never listen to it again, yet somehow I like T-Pain a little bit more than before I heard it. (4)

6.3

Final scores:

John Carpenter – ‘Vortex’ (7.3)
Damon Eliza Palermo – ‘Inner Realm’ (6.7)
Krystal Klear ft. Yasmin – ‘One Night Only’ (6.5)
T-Pain – ‘Stoicville’ (6.3)
Foreign Beggars & Alix Perez – ‘Deng’ feat. Riko Dan (5)
Wu-Tang Clan – ‘Ruckus in B Minor’ (5)