And today’s most absurd story is in.

A white van man in Bristol has been banned from the road, after driving not under the influence of drink or drugs, but “the intoxicating effects of drum and bass music.”

Aaron Cogley [not pictured above; that’s d’n’b legend Goldie] was followed by police after driving suspiciously through the streets near the city’s Royal Infirmary, rolling through two sets of red traffic lights, cutting up another motorist and “round[ing] a corner so sharply the whole van rocked on its chassis.” Formerly of Portishead (the town, not the Bristolian band), Cogely is currently homeless according to reports.

Prosecutor Mark Hollier told the court that when questioned by police, Cogley replied that “he was listening to drum and bass and was in a hurry.” David Miller, defending, admitted that “It was stupid. He was carried away because of the intoxicating effects of drum and bass music.” And the best quote of the lot? Mr Kevin De Haan QC, after reprimanding Cogley for his recklessness and reminding him of his responsibilities, described drum and bass as “Intoxicating for some. Very irritating for others.” Fair.

Cogley has been punished with 80 hours of unpaid work, a 12 month driving ban and a £60 victim surcharge [via This is Bristol]. In other drum’n’bass news, you can watch FACT TV’s recent two-part interview with Goldie below.