“Please stop sending me to farms.”

Wiley doesn’t like playing festivals. Wiley doesn’t like being in the countryside. Wiley keeps getting sent to play festivals in the countryside – with hilarious Twitter-based results.

This weekend, grime’s biggest gob pulled out of a performance at Cumbria’s CockRock festival (not a natural fit with Wiley’s oeuvre, we’d assume) after just 15 minutes on stage.

He’d not been happy on the way to the event, tweeting: “[P]lease stop sending me to farms to peform [sic] please mate …I am a yardie man ffs wtf”, although once he was settled in he seemed to be enjoying himself: “Having the nicest cheeseburger right now in cumbria ….proper ring trust me.”

But just 15 minutes into his performance he walked off stage, seemingly prompted by jeering festivalgoers, and got straight on to Twitter to brag about his fee for the truncated set: “I Just earnt £1000 a min. Best job ever despite anything else.”

Adding: “I was right as well that festival had nothing to do with why I am on earth I hate my agent for the right reasons.”

And finally, from this morning: “Today we start the spending of 15 k in style …Fuck them pagans in Cumbria.”

No animals were harmed in the making of this saga. Oh, except the cow of course. Sorry.

Update: More madness this afternoon, as only Wiley can do it. Here’s a condensed version of what’s going on on his Twitter page right now:

“Cumbria listen to this FUCK OFF … I don’t care about anything you any if you have to say your lucky I ain’t even came to Cumbria and done 15 mins and took your money ..pricks. The shit festival I was booked for should of never even got booked it was a edl festival … Some shit small capacity festival wtf … and I done my job and they want money back ..they are lucky I am not sueing them for stuff thrown. Apple and cinnamon crumble … Boom.”

You inbreds get off my @’s and get a life you been tweeting me for days you assholes … fucking reptillions … Get the fuck out of here you county of witches children … And tell your local newspaper to fuck off as well mate … Sling ya hooks … Don’t throw stuff on stage and cry wolf when I leave the stage get paid and leave… Fuck off you got ur show u sang every word now fuck off. You bunch of invalids … bunch of cretins.”