“People need more substance in their mac-and-cheese.”

Gobshite indie auteur Ariel Pink has revealed that he’s been asked to write songs for Madonna’s next record, adding his name to a list of guest collaborators that already includes Diplo, MNEK and Ariel Rechtshaid. According to Pink, the pop icon is looking for a new direction following the EDM pyrotechnics of 2012’s MDNA.

“Interscope are calling me to help write Madonna’s record,” Pink revealed in an interview with Faster Louder. “They need something edgy. They need songwriting. She can’t just have her Avicii, her producers or whatever, come up with a new techno jam for her to gyrate to and pretend that she’s 20 years old. They actually need songs. I’m partly responsible for that return-to-values thing.”

Pink explained that he’s looking back to her earliest album for inspiration. “I guess it’s called ‘throwback’, but the first record [1983’s Madonna] was so good because of the songs,” he said, adding that the singer has been on “a downward slide” since then and even declaring – incorrectly, we might add – that Ray of Light is “not cool.”

“All the other stuff she’s done after that, it’s not like it matters,” he added. “It really shows a drain of values. People need more substance in their mac-and-cheese. People need more sugar or something.”

Pink also argued that working with Martin Solveig and Benny Benassi on MDNA didn’t do her any favours. “It’s not because of her age,” he said. “It’s because of the things that she thinks she needs to do to stay in her narcissistic domination of the world. Which is totally hers to have. But it’s about not just being a yes person. I’m sure Interscope signed her like, ‘Okay, the last record didn’t do so well. We gotta do something about this. We’re gonna get all new songwriters together and we’re gonna try to come up with this thing. ’Cause she needs help with this.’ And she’s happy to let them do that for her.”

Pink’s next record, pom pom, is due out on November 18 through 4AD. In other exciting studio collaboration news, Bjork has enlisted FKA twigs producer Arca to produce on her next album.

Update: In a tweet, Madonna’s manager Guy Oseary has begged to disagree with Pink’s statement, claiming that Madonna has “never heard” of him:

@madonna and I have never heard of @arielxpink. The label may have reached out but M has no interest in working with mermaids

Grimes has also weighed in on Twitter, claiming that Pink’s “delusional misogyny is emblematic of the kind of bullshit everyone woman in this industry faces daily. Also Ray of Light is a masterpiece.”